A little about Mars & Venus

There is a “fight” that my husband and I have from time to time in which there is never a solution to. I put “fight” in quotations because I consider a fight to be harsh words, yelling, fist-throwing, etc. This is more of a little “bicker” or whathaveyou. Anyways, I’m sure it it one that many couples face as well. This is how it went this morning.

*Frustrated and annoyed because I’ve had a stiff neck for two days, it hurts to look down or up, and I’m trying to change the baby’s diaper while she is fighting to turn over while I’m trying to do so and my husband is sitting on the other side of the room in the recliner playing his video game* Keith says to me “Why are you so angry today?” and I quickly snap back “Because my neck hurts and Hayden is ruthless at diaper changes!” His reply “Why are you yelling at me?”

Now any woman would know that I was not yelling “at” my husband, I was just irritated at a number of things going on and my emotions did not allow me to respond in a calm manner.

What exactly happened there? No, men, it’s not that time of the month— why do they blame everything on that??? 

I expected my husband to mysteriously read my mind and offer to change the baby’s diaper even though he had no clue it needed changing or that to what extent my neck hurt. Big mistake to assume. And because I assumed he knew everything going on in my head, it caused me to snap when asked why I was so “angry.” Girls, I cannot stress this enough. Never. Assume. Anything. This ain’t the movies. Sure, it’s wonderfully fantastic when they offer things without us asking, but don’t ever assume. Had I just asked “Honey, could you please change Hayden’s diaper? My neck is killing me.” the whole thing could’ve been avoided.

This same similar “bicker” also happens quite often with the roles reversed as so:

*Keith comes home from a long day at work, puts stuff down, greets me and Hayden and then sits down in his chair and begins to watch TV.*
Me: How was your day?
Keith: Fine.
Me: Just fine? What happened?
Keith: I don’t want to talk about it.
Me: Why not? Are you mad at me?
Keith: No, Tasha, It’s just been a rough day and I just don’t want to talk right now. Just drop it.
Me: Jeez, you don’t have to be so mean. *With hurt feelings leave the room*

See now in this scenario I had taken what should’ve been read as my husband was obviously tired and let him have his space to wind down but instead I turned it into a bigger, personal issue. Now there will be some cold shoulder, a couple snarky comments from me to him, and ending with him telling me what happened at work and that he wasn’t being “mean” he just needed quiet time. 

Sound familiar, ladies (or men)?

In the book “Women are from Mars, Men are from Venus” one of the best lines I read went like this “Martians (men) go into their cave to be alone and quiet and to relieve stress however they want. Venusians (women) do not follow them into their cave or they will be burned by the dragon.” Women, if you have ever been in the situation like the one I played out in my above scenario, you know what the “dragon” is. If you are completely lost and you’re thinking the “dragon” is a penis reference.. well.. you’re absolutely right and can press CTRL+F4 to claim your prize.

The quote above has been extremely helpful and pretty much sums up many, many, MANY of mine and my husband’s bickers throughout the years. However, it is very difficult to follow through with. Obviously since it keeps happening.

Here are two things that were made perfectly clear in the very beginning of the Mars & Venus book:

WOMEN- We like to talk and vent about our problems. We are not looking for solutions. We want someone to say “Oh, yeah, totally. Mhm. That sucks. Shoooot.” etc…
MEN- They like to fix the problem so that it’s done and we’ll shut up and stop blabbering, because let’s face it, theeeeey dooooon’t caaaaare. So when we are wanting to vent and they keep offering us solutions (like “WELL WHY DON’T YOU JUST QUIT YOUR JOB THEN?”) and we just keep shooting them down they get frustrated and take it personal. Then it becomes a fight between the two. 
     Hence why women call upon eachother to vent. Because I know that I can call my girlfriend and they’ll be all “OH NO SHE DI-IDN’T!” Instead of “Well why don’t you just stop talking to her?”….ummm because what’s the fun in that? Right, girls? ;)

These are just a couple things that I read and have tried to apply to real life as much as possible. However, it is extremely hard because these reactions just come to us naturally. Once put into enough practice, though, hopefully one day these little bickerings will be few and farther and farther between. 

Bottom line, ladies (assuming men lost interest and stopped reading a loooong time ago), never assume anything and if you need to vent, call another female. We’re always interested in other peoples’ drama ;)

I’d say this was a nice little escape from my usual baby-blogs. But what can I say? She’s slept through the night two nights in a row *happy mama dance*

xoxo,

Still sleepy in Los Angeles