I come to you, once again, running on probably 4 hours of solid sleep with bouts of 20 minute intervals here and there. Hayden is just shy of 10-1/2 months old and is one of the world’s worst teethers. Don’t try giving me advice either because we’ve done it all.
For those of you who don’t know, my daughter is what pediatricians call a “High-Needs Baby” and if you don’t know what that is, you can read about ithere. If you read this and think, “OMG. This is (enter kid’s name here)!!” then I feel for you. While people who have never had a HNB before may look at you like you’re overdramatic about your baby’s behavior, I understand. As do many other parents. You might not have them near you, but they are there. Hit up some mommy boards with a post about your HNB and I guarantee it’ll make you feel more at ease.
It is so funny to hear some of my child-less friends talk about how things will be when they have kids. Hahahahahahahahaha…. sorry, just thought of a couple I’ve heard.
The truth is, friends…. well… I’ll list a few of the Brutal Truths that you will realize once you decide to finally take the leap and reproduce.
#1. YOU WILL NOT LOOK THE SAME….. NEVER EVER EVER NEVER EVER. Let me tell you, I had an amazing pregnancy. I wore mostly pre-pregnancy clothes the entire time. I gained 17lb. total and even had Gestational Diabetes. I worked out at the gym about 3-4 times a week and walked… a lot. I even worked out a lot after the baby was born. I was back into my pre-preggo clothes within 2 weeks of having the baby. BUT… That cute little flat stomach some of you have will NOT just “SNAP” back like some of you think it will. I don’t care what you’ve been told. Your boobs will nice and plump and big while pregnant… enjoy this. Breastfeeding moms, you feel me here. They will sag. Your nipples will get massive and if they are still pointing straight after months and months (sometimes years) of nursing consider yourself lucky. Formula parents, I have no idea what your boobs look like after having the baby, but I imagine they just go back to normal. Nevertheless, I breastfed (even knowing the change it would bring about) because it’s the best for my child and there are so many benefits for me as well.
#2. Stretchmarks do not fade. I was lucky enough to only get a few very light stretchmarks on the very bottom of my belly and under my boobs. Even as light as they are they have not gone away. Nor have they faded. I feel for the moms whose bellies looked like road maps from their pregnancies. “Use cocoa butter! Use __(name of super-expensive name brand lotion)___!—blah blah blah. Did it all. If you come out stretchmark free, good for you. I suggest lotioning as much as you can, but the truth is that your skin is stretching to house a human and you can only do so much. Stretchmarks just come with the territory.
#3. “Me and the hubby take turns at night.” This will only last so long, honey. Especially if you are a SAHM like me. We took turns too in the very beginning and then he went back to work after two weeks of leave. He still helps A LOT. But when your husband (or wife in some cases) has to get up at the crack of dawn to go hunt down the bacon, there is only so much you can depend on them for.
#4. “Sleep when the baby sleeps.” When you have a newborn and they are sleeping 18 hours a day, this isn’t so tough. But when they get older and their naps become at most 2 hours long it’s not so easy to do.
#5. Your house will be messy… very messy… And that’s OKAY!! People tend to think “You’re here all day. How is your house this messy?” to which I say “Because shut up! That’s why!”
#6. Those crazy healthy diets you have might have to change. When/IF breastfeeding, some babies are sensitive to certain things. Crazy organic, protein-powder packed, “clean” diets will cause your baby some major tummy troubles and it’s not pretty. You might just have to eat like a real person for a little while.
#7. You get used to not showering.
#8. You learn to eat very fast and wherever you have to so your body doesn’t shut down.
#9. Your baby will sometimes become a fashion accessory.
#10. People will think you are best friends because you both have kids. This requires parental assessment. Look at how they look, act, speak, and how their child looks, acts, and speaks. Then determine whether further friendship is deemed appropriate.
While bursting out the seems with truth I hope this made you think, laugh, maybe even cry (if you’re psycho). I say all of these things in complete love and adoration for my daughter, my husband, friends, and family. Being a parent is a wonderful gift that so many men & women wish for and sometimes are never able to achieve. I am blessed to have what I do. Never take my words as otherwise :)
xoxo,
Sleepless in Los Angeles
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