Create in Me a Clean Heart

Until I got pregnant with my daughter in June of 2011, I had lived a very bad life. I'm not sure "bad" is even the right word. I think the right word would be "sinful." Don't get me wrong it was fun, but looking back I wish so many things would've been done differently. But isn't that something we all look back and think about some things? It's just part of life.

I drank.. a LOT.
I smoked.
I cursed like a sailor.
I got a DUI.
I did not wait until my first marriage to have sex.
I married and divorced someone God very clearly did not choose for me.
I lived with my current husband before we were married.
I chose to get pregnant out of wedlock.
I stayed away from the church out of pure rebellion and resentment.

I am no saint.

I took MY LIFE, which is not something I even deserved, and took it completely for granted.

I'm telling you all this just to say that I KNOW what I did in my past. There have been moments where I have been laying in bed and have a flashback of something I had done and I literally get sick to my stomach. I wish there were some way that I could completely erase it out of my brain because to think I was ever that person just kills me.

When I had my baby girl, my entire life changed. Actually, it changed when I found out I was having her. But until I actually HAD her and held her in my arms I knew that I wanted to be the best mother I could be. I want to also live a more Godly life so that she will see me as an example of how she should be and should want to be. Mind you, I grew up in church. Growing up, my family went every time the doors were open. That mixed with a couple of things that happened in my childhood, caused me to turn and rebel against Church once I was finally out of my parent's house.

I knew that I wanted to make a pretty big change when I met a few fellow stay-at-home moms here on base. I would say they are my best friends here. They are also very good role models of what a good, Christian friend, wife, and mother should be without being all in-your-face-quoting-scripture-24/7-overboard with it. But just being told "Sometimes you just have to pray about it and give it to Him." is exactly what I needed to hear. Even deciding to start living a better life, I don't plan to attend church every single Sunday. I would like to start going, though. My hubby has to work on Sundays a lot and so he takes the car. However, I have started attending the women's bible study here on my base every Tuesday. It is wonderful and my daughter gets to spend time with other kids in the nursery.

I am having some trouble letting go of the "You're not worthy" feeling while sitting there in Bible study. Like I have no right to sit there because of the life I used to live. I know I am surrounded by women who, at some point, probably did some of the same things. But it is tough when I am trying to live a better life because I WANT TO not because it looks good or because I think I'm better than anyone, but because I genuinely want to lead a good, Christian life and example for my family. I hate being blatantly reminded of how I used to live by those who know me. I think that is very wrong and not what I need in a "support system." When I mention that I have started going to a Bible study and being told "You're the biggest hypocrite of them all." is very painful because I KNOW, but I am trying to change.

I refuse to give up. One thing that was made clear in a book that I have just read is that it is a constant battle to live a Christian life. And I can attest to that. That's why I stayed away from the church all those years. It was just easier and "more fun" to party and sin without a care in the world. Not thinking that at any point I could have my life taken from me.

I want the past to stay in my past. I know I'm no Mother Teresa, but there is nothing wrong with someone wanting to start fresh and live a better life for their family.

And that is what I plan to do :)

"I ain't as good as I'm gonna get. But I'm better than I used to be." --Tim McGraw


xoxo,

Sleepless in Los Angeles

I just do not get it. {A petty girl blog}

I get legitimately pissed off when people who should NOT be so conceited are so conceited!! I cannot understand, for the life of me, why some people continue to take pictures of themselves and post them for all the world to see. I have honestly unfriended and unfollowed people because their constant pictures of their face irritate me. And please someone tell me what the deal is with people taking pictures of themselves SLEEPING?! Is that some strange thing like “sleep-walking”? I’ve never heard of “Sleep-taking pictures of myself”…

I know this is completely out of the norm as a topic of one of my blogs, but it is something that I have kept pent up inside of me and I needed to let this monster out! 

I know for a FACT that I am not the most gorgeous girl in the whole world and, yes, if I’m feeling pretty at a certain moment in time I might post a “selfie” but dear Lord, those people… I just wonder if other people think that too or if that is just a part of me that really needs to find Jesus… or both? Hahaha

I feel better now. :)

xoxo,

Sleepless & Hormonal in Los Angeles

Food & Money-Saving Tips from a very busy (kinda lazy) SAHM

People always come up to me on the streets and ask “Natasha, you are so amazing! How do you do it?” Hahaha I’m just kidding. No one says that. But it was a great lead-in, right?

My idea of a stay-at-home mom was so completely different before I actually became one. I imagined my house would be spotless all the time, baby would be completely happy because she will have slept all night long, and dinner would be on the table when my husband walked in the door… back then the thought of having to “hurry up and shower before the baby wakes up” never crossed my mind because I would just be showered and gorgeous all the time! lol

One of the things I have always enjoyed has been cooking. I enjoy cooking, feeding people who enjoy my cooking, and eating. Unfortunately, some things change when you have children. There is a short window of time when I can plop the baby into her high-chair or pack-n-play, give her a snack or a toy, and she will be content— I give it 20-30 minutes max. I started looking for shortcuts to try to maximize my time in the kitchen with the least amount of stress possible.

A lot of these are ideas I got from Pinterest. LOVE, love, LooooVE my Pinterest!

1. Make-ahead and freeze!  This has become one of my favorite things to do while my baby naps since I have some kind of daytime insomnia and can’t sleep! Yesterday morning, I put together a batch of loaded breakfast burritos to microwave and send with my husband every morning for the next week. It was a little time consuming, but totally worth it! Don’t want to cook full-blown meals just to store away in the freezer? Why not make some sides? One thing I like to do is take some veggies or fruits that are on the verge of going bad, steam or bake them however I want and then freeze. I love steaming some baby carrots and then portion them out to give to Hayden for a healthy snack she won’t choke on ;) It never fails that I buy a bag of potatoes and never get through an entire bag before they go bad. So what I started doing was taking half the bag, dice, steam, separate into sandwich baggies, then freeze. I don’t season them at all until I take them out to cook them. That way, I can season them however I want to fit my meal— butter potatoes, garlic potatoes, or country-fried potatoes! Rice is another one. Keith likes regular steamed rice and never eats the entire thing, so I always freeze what is left then take it out the next time he wants some or I can make some veggie-fried rice for me & the baby! See what I mean?
2. FREEZE EVERYTHING! Freezing is nothing new. I didn’t INVENT anything here. But it is something I never valued until I had a family and started cooking a lot more and having to stretch dollars… and food. I never realized just how much food I was throwing away! I have started freezing almost everything. Leftover lasagna, taco meat (I always make so much so this is perfect!), pasta, spaghetti sauce (another one I make a ton of everytime!), cooked veggies and fruits, soup, pot roast, etc. Also, if I buy one of those extremely large packs of chicken breasts, I will portion them out in two’s and ziploc them together then freeze. Only need 1/4 cup of canned “whatever”?? Freeze the rest!! You’ll be surprised how that comes in handy!
3. Crockpot, crockpot, crockpot. It doesn’t get much simpler than that, folks. Pot roast, sloppy joes, chicken breasts (they come out so unbelievably tender it’s amazing.), pork loin, whole chicken (another huge $$-saver! Need I say it? Cook then freeze! You’ll have so much chicken already cooked and ready to use!), ribs, etc. You just pour everything in, set the timer, and let it work it’s magic. Then defrost whatever side you choose to go with it and boom. Dinner!
4. Find uses for the little stuff… hate all those broken pieces of potato chips at the bottom of the Sour Cream & Onion bag? Wouldn’t that make an awesome breading for some baked chicken? What if you mixed together some cream of chicken soup & sour cream, coat the chicken, then cover in those potato chip crumbs? Sounds fantastic, right? Yes it does. I’ve never tried it because I just now came up with it. But I did save those pesky crumbs and now I know what to do with them! ;)  

Finding ways to save money isn’t just for poor people. Even if it’s not money you care to save, think of how much longer between grocery shopping trips there would be! Who wouldn’t like that?

I hope these few little tips have gave you some good ideas. If not, well you just know everything then don’t you?! Juuuuuust kidding. hahaha

Until next time,

xoxo,

Sleepless in Los Angeles (yes, again…)

A little about Mars & Venus

There is a “fight” that my husband and I have from time to time in which there is never a solution to. I put “fight” in quotations because I consider a fight to be harsh words, yelling, fist-throwing, etc. This is more of a little “bicker” or whathaveyou. Anyways, I’m sure it it one that many couples face as well. This is how it went this morning.

*Frustrated and annoyed because I’ve had a stiff neck for two days, it hurts to look down or up, and I’m trying to change the baby’s diaper while she is fighting to turn over while I’m trying to do so and my husband is sitting on the other side of the room in the recliner playing his video game* Keith says to me “Why are you so angry today?” and I quickly snap back “Because my neck hurts and Hayden is ruthless at diaper changes!” His reply “Why are you yelling at me?”

Now any woman would know that I was not yelling “at” my husband, I was just irritated at a number of things going on and my emotions did not allow me to respond in a calm manner.

What exactly happened there? No, men, it’s not that time of the month— why do they blame everything on that??? 

I expected my husband to mysteriously read my mind and offer to change the baby’s diaper even though he had no clue it needed changing or that to what extent my neck hurt. Big mistake to assume. And because I assumed he knew everything going on in my head, it caused me to snap when asked why I was so “angry.” Girls, I cannot stress this enough. Never. Assume. Anything. This ain’t the movies. Sure, it’s wonderfully fantastic when they offer things without us asking, but don’t ever assume. Had I just asked “Honey, could you please change Hayden’s diaper? My neck is killing me.” the whole thing could’ve been avoided.

This same similar “bicker” also happens quite often with the roles reversed as so:

*Keith comes home from a long day at work, puts stuff down, greets me and Hayden and then sits down in his chair and begins to watch TV.*
Me: How was your day?
Keith: Fine.
Me: Just fine? What happened?
Keith: I don’t want to talk about it.
Me: Why not? Are you mad at me?
Keith: No, Tasha, It’s just been a rough day and I just don’t want to talk right now. Just drop it.
Me: Jeez, you don’t have to be so mean. *With hurt feelings leave the room*

See now in this scenario I had taken what should’ve been read as my husband was obviously tired and let him have his space to wind down but instead I turned it into a bigger, personal issue. Now there will be some cold shoulder, a couple snarky comments from me to him, and ending with him telling me what happened at work and that he wasn’t being “mean” he just needed quiet time. 

Sound familiar, ladies (or men)?

In the book “Women are from Mars, Men are from Venus” one of the best lines I read went like this “Martians (men) go into their cave to be alone and quiet and to relieve stress however they want. Venusians (women) do not follow them into their cave or they will be burned by the dragon.” Women, if you have ever been in the situation like the one I played out in my above scenario, you know what the “dragon” is. If you are completely lost and you’re thinking the “dragon” is a penis reference.. well.. you’re absolutely right and can press CTRL+F4 to claim your prize.

The quote above has been extremely helpful and pretty much sums up many, many, MANY of mine and my husband’s bickers throughout the years. However, it is very difficult to follow through with. Obviously since it keeps happening.

Here are two things that were made perfectly clear in the very beginning of the Mars & Venus book:

WOMEN- We like to talk and vent about our problems. We are not looking for solutions. We want someone to say “Oh, yeah, totally. Mhm. That sucks. Shoooot.” etc…
MEN- They like to fix the problem so that it’s done and we’ll shut up and stop blabbering, because let’s face it, theeeeey dooooon’t caaaaare. So when we are wanting to vent and they keep offering us solutions (like “WELL WHY DON’T YOU JUST QUIT YOUR JOB THEN?”) and we just keep shooting them down they get frustrated and take it personal. Then it becomes a fight between the two. 
     Hence why women call upon eachother to vent. Because I know that I can call my girlfriend and they’ll be all “OH NO SHE DI-IDN’T!” Instead of “Well why don’t you just stop talking to her?”….ummm because what’s the fun in that? Right, girls? ;)

These are just a couple things that I read and have tried to apply to real life as much as possible. However, it is extremely hard because these reactions just come to us naturally. Once put into enough practice, though, hopefully one day these little bickerings will be few and farther and farther between. 

Bottom line, ladies (assuming men lost interest and stopped reading a loooong time ago), never assume anything and if you need to vent, call another female. We’re always interested in other peoples’ drama ;)

I’d say this was a nice little escape from my usual baby-blogs. But what can I say? She’s slept through the night two nights in a row *happy mama dance*

xoxo,

Still sleepy in Los Angeles

My Saturday

Hayden only woke up twice last night! SCORE! haha

So, today is quite busy for us. My husband has duty so he works overnight tonight (8am-8am) Booooo! Hayden and I took him in to work this morning so that we can attend my friend’s little girl’s birthday party. Keith’s duty days are about one in every four days. Those are the days that I usually try to get my laundry and other tedious tasks done. 

I honestly don’t know what I would do if I had two kids. I’m so exhausted by noon every day taking care of housework and ONE kid, I can’t imagine two.

I got up at 6:30 and went downstairs to make my husband’s breakfast, lunch, dinner and put the coffee on. Got Hayden up at 6:45, went downstairs and made our coffees to go and got everything ready to walk out the door at 7. 

Got back home at about 8:15, cooked breakfast for Hayden and myself and ate at 8:30. Sat down at 9am to make a list of things I need and need to do for Hayden’s 1st Birthday party while she played and watched her shows. Put a load of laundry in and then took Hayden upstairs, nursed, then put her down for her daily 9:30 nap.

Sat down here to ramble on about my daily nothings and it feels great. *takes long sip of coffee* Aaaaaah.

Now I have to go downstairs to get the dog off the table since he has got into a bad habit of jumping up onto the table to check for breakfast scraps and leaving himself stranded because he is afraid to jump down. Moron dog. I leave him for a good while before going to get him. Then I will shower and get myself ready for this party. When we get back it’ll be naptime. I’m thinking when she wakes I might take her to an early dinner at Olive Garden (since I love it and the hubby hates it… and we have a Gift Card) then maybe go see a movie… as long as my chores are done ;)

It’ll be a busy one but it’s just another day in the life I love!

I hope everyone’s weekends started off well. Have a great one.

xoxo,

Sleepless in Los Angeles

10 Truths about Parenthood

I come to you, once again, running on probably 4 hours of solid sleep with bouts of 20 minute intervals here and there. Hayden is just shy of 10-1/2 months old and is one of the world’s worst teethers. Don’t try giving me advice either because we’ve done it all.

For those of you who don’t know, my daughter is what pediatricians call a “High-Needs Baby” and if you don’t know what that is, you can read about ithere. If you read this and think, “OMG. This is (enter kid’s name here)!!” then I feel for you. While people who have never had a HNB before may look at you like you’re overdramatic about your baby’s behavior, I understand. As do many other parents. You might not have them near you, but they are there. Hit up some mommy boards with a post about your HNB and I guarantee it’ll make you feel more at ease.

It is so funny to hear some of my child-less friends talk about how things will be when they have kids. Hahahahahahahahaha…. sorry, just thought of a couple I’ve heard.

The truth is, friends…. well… I’ll list a few of the Brutal Truths that you will realize once you decide to finally take the leap and reproduce.

#1. YOU WILL NOT LOOK THE SAME….. NEVER EVER EVER NEVER EVER.   Let me tell you, I had an amazing pregnancy. I wore mostly pre-pregnancy clothes the entire time. I gained 17lb. total and even had Gestational Diabetes. I worked out at the gym about 3-4 times a week and walked… a lot. I even worked out a lot after the baby was born. I was back into my pre-preggo clothes within 2 weeks of having the baby. BUT… That cute little flat stomach some of you have will NOT just “SNAP” back like some of you think it will. I don’t care what you’ve been told. Your boobs will nice and plump and big while pregnant… enjoy this. Breastfeeding moms, you feel me here. They will sag. Your nipples will get massive and if they are still pointing straight after months and months (sometimes years) of nursing consider yourself lucky. Formula parents, I have no idea what your boobs look like after having the baby, but I imagine they just go back to normal. Nevertheless, I breastfed (even knowing the change it would bring about) because it’s the best for my child and there are so many benefits for me as well.

#2. Stretchmarks do not fade.  I was lucky enough to only get a few very light stretchmarks on the very bottom of my belly and under my boobs. Even as light as they are they have not gone away. Nor have they faded. I feel for the moms whose bellies looked like road maps from their pregnancies. “Use cocoa butter! Use __(name of super-expensive name brand lotion)___!—blah blah blah. Did it all. If you come out stretchmark free, good for you. I suggest lotioning as much as you can, but the truth is that your skin is stretching to house a human and you can only do so much. Stretchmarks just come with the territory.

#3. “Me and the hubby take turns at night.”  This will only last so long, honey. Especially if you are a SAHM like me. We took turns too in the very beginning and then he went back to work after two weeks of leave. He still helps A LOT. But when your husband (or wife in some cases) has to get up at the crack of dawn to go hunt down the bacon, there is only so much you can depend on them for. 

#4. “Sleep when the baby sleeps.”  When you have a newborn and they are sleeping 18 hours a day, this isn’t so tough. But when they get older and their naps become at most 2 hours long it’s not so easy to do. 

#5. Your house will be messy… very messy…  And that’s OKAY!! People tend to think “You’re here all day. How is your house this messy?” to which I say “Because shut up! That’s why!” 

#6. Those crazy healthy diets you have might have to change.  When/IF breastfeeding, some babies are sensitive to certain things. Crazy organic, protein-powder packed, “clean” diets will cause your baby some major tummy troubles and it’s not pretty. You might just have to eat like a real person for a little while.

#7. You get used to not showering.

#8. You learn to eat very fast and wherever you have to so your body doesn’t shut down.

#9. Your baby will sometimes become a fashion accessory. 

#10. People will think you are best friends because you both have kids.  This requires parental assessment. Look at how they look, act, speak, and how their child looks, acts, and speaks. Then determine whether further friendship is deemed appropriate.

While bursting out the seems with truth I hope this made you think, laugh, maybe even cry (if you’re psycho). I say all of these things in complete love and adoration for my daughter, my husband, friends, and family. Being a parent is a wonderful gift that so many men & women wish for and sometimes are never able to achieve. I am blessed to have what I do. Never take my words as otherwise :)

xoxo,

Sleepless in Los Angeles

My New Year's Resolutions for 2013

1. Posture — Since I have had Hayden my posture has got worse and worse it seems the older and HEAVIER she gets. Now it is to the point where I can touch the center of my spine and it is sore and never goes away. My husband showed me some good exercises to strengthen my back and improve my posture. Then he told me a good rule of thumb “Every time you walk through a door way, pop up.”
2. Myself — I think next to “lose weight” this is probably the most popular. It is so hard to do when you have a child because your life becomes fully centered on them and you easily lose sight of yourself. So, this year I am going to start putting more effort into everything; from the way I dress to my hair to my fingernails & toenails to shaving my legs more ;) My hubby can vouch for that one… I have not yet and I refuse to let myself fall into the typical “mom” look. I’m getting MILF-mode into full gear. hahaha (that’s a joke… for the most part.)
3. Get my boobies back — Breastfeeding. While it is the #1 best nourishment you can give your child for the first year, after the first year they no longer NEED it. It’s solely for comfort after that. With that being said, I plan to be finished with breastfeeding shortly after my daughter turns one year old in March. My boobs have pretty much been off limits since I had the baby so I’m sure my husband will appreciate this resolution as well. (If you said “EW! Gross!” to that. You’ll understand one day… and grow up! ha!)
4. Not get pregnant — Fight the baby fever! I must remember what having a newborn was like PLUS having to deal with the handful I already have! My sister-in-law will be having her baby in April. I can get it all out then!
5. Go on a family trip — Just the 3 of us. To anywhere we’ve never been (or at least anywhere I’ve ever been. Keith has been way more places than I have!)

These are my fun resolutions. There are, of course, the staple resolutions such as paying of debt, saving money, work out more, etc. that everyone has but those pretty much go without saying. 

I hope everyone has a wonderful fantastic New Years Eve and let’s bring it in right! That means try to not drink too much champagne, pass out, and miss the ball drop ;) oooh the memories…

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

xoxo,
Sleepless in Los Angeles

Wine-ing down from a long, napless day..

Today was very exhausting. The baby’s morning nap was only an hour long and I tried to get her to sleep a little longer by laying down with her in my bed and that didn’t work.. so we got up and had lunch, went on a walk, swings, the usual. Afternoon nap was the same way which sucked because I hadn’t been able to rest all day. Her hour-long nap is barely long enough for me to lay down, let alone actually fall asleep and feel rested when I wake up. 

I forgot to mention my hubby had to work an overnight tonight.. that means he went in at 6am and will be home at like 8am tomorrow. So that’s why it was even more exhausting than normal. At least when he comes home from his normal workday at 4pm it breaks up the monotony a bit and I get a break.

Tonight, she was sitting in my lap and we were watching Baby First TV (HER FAVORITE!) and I saw her chewing on her fingers. So I put my finger in there to feel around for any teeth. I wasn’t expecting to feel anything since there hadn’t been any progress in the past few days and I felt two finally trying to surface on the top. I guess her teeth like to come in in two’s. That’s how her bottom teeth did. The pediatrician said the top teeth are a lot more painful than the bottom. Poor baby.

So that explains a lot of what happened last night and her crazy wakefulness lately. Like the bottom teeth, once they finally pop through everything will go back to normal— well for the most part.. nothing is ever “normal” when you have a baby ;)

The hubs promised me a pedicure after payday so I am really looking forward to that! Tomorrow I’ll post my totally awesome New Year’s Resolutions so stay tuned.

“Goodnight, sleep tight, and pleasant dreams to you. Here’s a wish and a prayer that every dream comes true. And now till we meet again.. Adios! Au revoir! Auf wiedersehen! Goodnight!” —This was the song my parents used to sing to me every night after they tucked me in :) It’s worth looking up if you’ve never heard it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ol9_0schMHs

xoxo,
Sleepless in Los Angeles

Baby Rant-- Middle-of-the-night Temper Tantrums/BFing for Life?

So it’s 7am and instead of trying to catch a few more Zz’s before the baby wakes up, I decided to come in here and rant about my night last night… why? Because that’s what I do. I drink coffee and force myself to stay awake just to get a few minutes of time to myself before I have to kick Mommy-mode into full gear. 

My daughter (almost 10 months old) started having middle-of-the-night temper tantrums a couple months ago. My guess is separation anxiety? I really don’t know. They talked about it in my “What to Expect the First Year” book but it doesn’t help one bit when it is actually happening. They tell you when you’re trying to train a baby to sleep through the night “don’t pick up the baby. whatever you do. don’t pick her up.” but then at 3am when she has been crying for over an hour and you go in, pat her on the back and tell her “it’s okay.” (even though she can’t hear you because she’s screaming at the top of her lungs “Mamamamamaaaa”) then walk out again and repeat 20 minutes later…. “AIN’T NOBODY GOT TIME FO’ DAT!!” So I end up going in, picking her up (instantly shutting the brat up), nursing her, and putting her back down. Most of the time this works… there have been times where as I’m putting her back into her crib she awakes and it starts all over again.

This has been a nightmare for me. How will I ever wean this child from breastfeeding if it is the only thing that settles her down in the middle of the night? 

I am proud of myself for breastfeeding this long, but I’m so ready to be done with it. When she turns one year I’ll be ready to hand her a sippy cup of whole milk and tell her to have at it, Mommy’s kitchen is CLOSED! Unfortunately, last night has really made me think that this may be more difficult than planned. 

That’s a whole different rant, though. I thought this “MOTN Tantrum” phase had subsided, so I told my mom on the phone yesterday “Hayden has been doing so great! She stopped waking up having temper tantrums!”…..so as my dumb luck would have it, last night happened. When will I learn to keep my mouth shut? Sheesh.

« This picture may look pitiful but I couldn’t resist taking it. This was from one day she woke up from her nap, and I went in to get her and as I walked to turn on her light I guess she thought I was walking back out of the room and started BALLING! lol

Okay, SO. Today I am starting a new plan. If I want this baby to be completely weaned from me by the time she is one year I have got to end this “walking set of boobs” view she has of me. No more whipping them out whenever she crawls to me whining. And as for the MOTN Tantrums…. well hopefully last night was the end of that. If not, we might have to put her crib in a room non-adjacent to ours… for the sake of mine & my husband’s sanity.

I’ll let you know how this all goes.

Until next time,

xoxo, 
Sleepless in Los Angeles