Those of you who follow my blog may remember a few posts back that I had decided to turn my life around and get my life right with the Lord. I wanted a change inside. Ultimately because I don't want to go to Hell when Jesus comes back but also because I want to be a light in my family and a good role model for my daughter and because I know that any problem that I might face in my life HE is the only one who has the power to fix it. I could pray all day pointing fingers at others and praying for God to change them but what I came to realize is that the change had to start with ME.
I have found awesome relief in the power of prayer. I am involved in my women's bible study. I read the books and my Bible........ but that's all behind closed doors and around other fellow Christians. That's the easy part.
This morning I faced something that really made me question the Christian that I thought I was.
At around 8:30am this morning I parked my car outside the DMV and began walking up towards to line of 75+ people lined up around the building. As I'm walking I pass a man standing outside of the parking lot with a megaphone speaking obnoxiously loud and stern. As I'm thinking to myself "Great. Just what I need this early in the morning." I just knew he was one of those nuts standing on the street yelling at everyone that they're all going to HELL! But as I'm listening (trying NOT to) I hear him quoting the exact scripture that I believe in.
As I take my place in line I'm listening to what he is saying and as I look around I see that most everyone is watching him. We were all in the same boat. None of us super-happy to be waiting outside for the doors to the DMV to open. I hear him quoting verses from the Bible that are all too familiar to me because I heard them for years every time the invitation was given at the end of the Church sermon. A young woman around my age walks up and takes her place in line behind me and she says "Oh great. Just what I need. Like it isn't bad enough having to be here this early." to which I reply "I know right! Dude, it's early! Isn't there somewhere else you can do that?" and then I hear him through the megaphone-- "The Bible says 'But whosoever shall deny me before men, him will I also deny before my Father which is in heaven. Do I have any born-again Christians here?" --I quickly thought about ignoring it but I couldn't. I partially raised my hand..... almost as if I was too ashamed for anyone else to see. And it was almost as if God knew my hesitation because then the man says "Just one woman?" referring to a lady a few steps in front of me. So I raised my hand all the way, looking down at the ground, chuckling to myself as if I was thinking "This is so stupid!" But I knew God was watching me the whole time and even though I did raise my hand he knows my heart and the hesitation.
Why?
I know the very truth that that man on the street was preaching. So why would I act like those standing around me as if he were some crazy lunatic? The Bible says to 'Go into all the world and teach my gospel.' Now, that doesn't mean that I should go buy a megaphone and stand on a street corner shouting scripture at strangers. But why wouldn't I have used that as an opportunity to turn to that young lady behind me and say to her "You know, what he is saying is true."
I wish I had the fire under me that that man has.
As soon as I was back in my car I cried and prayed to the Lord to forgive me for denying that I was a believer. Because that little bit of hesitation right before I halfway raised my hand? That was denial.
Let me not be that Christian, Lord. It's not easy so I pray for strength and ask for forgiveness for my foolish ways. It's a scary world we live in. Someone could walk right up to me, put a gun to my head and ask "Are you a Christian?".... what would I say?
It's just like my dad always said to me "I brought you into this world, I can take you out!" He was joking.... I think.... nevertheless there's truth in that coming from God and if any of you have had the chance to really read from the book of Revelation you'll agree with me when I say I'm pretty sure I do NOT want to go there... If any of my friends find that you're going through a tough time and really need some guidance or relief give it up to God. Really humble yourself and start to pray and ask him to work in your life. It really does help. I'm not perfect (FAAAAAAR FAR FAR from perfect) and I'm nowhere near the Christian that I want to be but I have seen changes since I have begun to pray for my life and I can honestly say that it works.
xoxo,
Sleepless in Los Angeles
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